Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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