I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize