he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
