as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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