1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
