so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
