I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
