When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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