uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize