the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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