Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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