Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
zippers are such a cool invention
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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