My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
