3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
