1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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