If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
