you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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