When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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