I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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