Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize