i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
