Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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