How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
