OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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