who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
