McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
