I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
