Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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