I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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