8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
