dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
