I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
