she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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