i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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