Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize