Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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