You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
