Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
