I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
