It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
