I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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