So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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