I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
