My room smells like vodka and shame
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
