I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
