i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
