so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
