I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
