kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
