Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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