im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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