remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
