Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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