He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
