for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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