cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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