She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
