If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
