I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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