I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize