I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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