Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
