I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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