you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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