He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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