i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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