he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
